(via s0c1alx5y5t3m-deactivated201112)
“
My perfect date night: I pick you up. In my Kia Sorrento. You get in. There’s candles in the car. You go, ‘…Is that dangerous?’ and I go, ‘Yes—but I like danger.’
We go to your favorite restaurant, and we have a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my car’s on fire. You go, ‘Aziz, your car’s on fire. Aren’t you upset?’ I pull out a bag of marshmallows and I go, ‘No. I knew this was gonna happen.’
And then I kiss you. In front of my burning car.
” — Aziz Ansari on his perfect date (via mothersbaugh)(Source: tsaritsaofsalt, via mothersbaugh)
(via jossyintheskywithdiamonds)
(via applecocaine)
“People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life. If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen. They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee. So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.” — George Carlin (via arreter)
(Source: arreter, via gonewiththewindddd)
(via imochayoualatte)
My friend said to me, “I think the weather’s trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy.” Then I thought, “Man, I should have just said, ‘Yeah.’”
(via quadrupletree)
ohmygod
(via vaincre)